This is my first post of the new year and it’s very late. I had this big plan. It’s the year of the Tiger. My post would be done by the 16th of February, which was the end of the Spring Festival. I was going to regale all of you with my plans for the year. I recieved permission to use this absolutely beautiful tiger picture from a very talented photographer. I found a cool font called Asia Tiger. It was all coming together. Being born in the year of the tiger was exciting. I was excited about writing. I was excited about learning to be a better bass player. I was excited to get on with living a healthier life style. I am tiger, hear me roar!

Things didn’t go as planned.

I live with anxiety and depression. I’ve got a handle on it most of the time. Don’t worry, I have help. But sometimes when things are overwhelming and certain incidents happen all at once, it throws me into the pit. And that’s where I’ve been the past few weeks. The pit is a bad place where all those nasty voices live. The ones that tell you how horrible you are. The ones that say you have no talent. The ones that tell you to give up. The big one that tells you that you’re a waste of space. I’ve been fighting them all.

When I think of writing, the voice says, “why bother.” When I think of playing my bass, the voice says, “why bother.” When I try to get my health together, the voice says, “why bother.” I’m not going to self harm or do anything drastic because I know in my heart of hearts, I can get through this. I got through it once, I can do it again. But it’s hard. Sometimes you have to find something to help you get out of your own head. And I have found that thing.

Meet Doug.

I love Doug. He makes me smile everytime I pass him when I’m drving home from grocery shopping. I think he showed up early in the pandemic. And I’m glad. I’m surprised he doesn’t cause any accidents because they dress him up every holiday, Santa Clause at Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day; he has an outfit for it all.

We had some weird weather a few weeks ago, strong winds with a bit of snow. I drove by Doug’s house on my way home and he was gone. He was lying on the ground. I was upset. Probably more than I needed to be for a big plastic skeleton, but upset. He was gone for what seemed like forever. And one day, a couple of weeks later, he was back in all his Valentines Day glory. I was so happy to see that ginormous statue of bones. I smiled all the way home.

I decided, with the reapperance of Doug, to fight those nasty voices. I decided to do the things the voices tried to take away. First, make my Valentines Day mummy. Yes, it’s a bit weird but fun. I make mummies out of CVS receipts. I had it all planned, but the voice said, “Why bother?” After seeing Doug, I slapped a zipper on that voice and made my mummy. He may have been late, but I finished him. Meet Tino, the Valentine mummy.

Kitty Blue and I got reaquainted. I was prepared to play that Sunday at church. I messed up a couple of times, but it was all good. I played.

I am working on the health stuff. And I finished writing this post. And I will keep on writing, playing, and making mummies.

After all: