I forgot a major item from my last evolutionary update. Fear. Yep, fear is a big item for me. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of not having anymore stories in me. It’s all there ready to trip me up at a moments notice.

I remember the day I published Fat Farm. I had originally done the story as an e-book. I sat at the table with my laptop and stared at the screen wishing my hand would move on its own and push the “publish” button. I had butterflies in my stomach and I wasn’t sure what to do. I took a deep  breath and pushed that button. I think I had an anxiety attack that lasted a week.

Did the fear go away? Hello no. I decided to do the book as a print-on demand as well. I felt the fear, anxiety, butterflies, and a bit of nausea when I pushed that button. The same when I did my give-away in June. I sat and stared at that button before I moved my mouse over it and pressed “OK.”

I’m working on my new book, The Insignificant Amy Dodd, and every time I send pages to my critique group, I’m anxious. I know that when I send it to an editor I will feel physically ill. And I know when I press that “publish” button the next time, butterflies and nausea will right there.

Sometimes I think there is a fear of what we, or should I say I, write. We had an exercise in my writing group and the subject was betrayal. I didn’t want to write about being betrayed by lovers, friends and family. I wanted to write something different. An idea came to me and I wrote my piece. I was afraid to read it to the group. What would they think? Would it offend anyone? I like these people. I didn’t want to offend anyone. I didn’t need to worry. I don’t know if everyone liked it, but I got feedback on what to improve. No judgement on anything else.

I’ve wanted to post the piece on my blog for a while. I think it’s a good piece. I like it. I think it’s worth sharing, but as with the group, I am afraid. What if someone got mad. What if…What if… I’ve decided that I can’t worry about the “what if’s” anymore. There’s a reason a story needs to be told and I can’t worry about offending anyone. Not everyone is going to like it. Not everyone liked Fat Farm. Not everyone is going to like The Insignificant Amy Dodd and that’s okay. So, this is now my “No Fear Zone.” Am I still going to be afraid? Probably. Am I going to let it hold me back on what I write and publish? No it’s not. So the first step is to post my piece. If you would like to read Betrayal, then read on.